There's the social issues themselves, and then the fact that you have a difference or incompatibility in your relationship that you'll need to navigate and resolve. 573.438.4982; Teacher Login; encontrar conjugation present tense. Here . Take a test to find out if you have social anxiety. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? I Read My Exs Autobiography. What really stands out from these profiles, though, is how different the unsocial people are, and how positive almost all their differences are. Are more likely to engage in physical aggression than people who are not shy. My partner was obviously upset at the betrayal and I dont blame her at all; we recommitted to monogamy and I have started seeing a therapist to try to get at the root of why I had sex with the first person who asked. It is normal to feel depressed and alone. Both report getting less pleasure out of experiences that are ordinarily pleasurable. You can talk a little bit more about your relationships with your gay friends and what thats meant to you in your own life. 6. They agree with statements such as, Sometimes others dont want me to hang out with them. They are not choosing to be alone; theyve been rejected. To back up a bit, having a socially awkward partner, and having a less-sociable one are actually two distinct issues. We do not need to worry about people who are unsocial. If they work at it they can build up their communication skills or become less shy and insecure. For example, if a woman likes going to bustling parties, and would love her boyfriend to come with her, they might agree that it's only reasonable for him to accompany her to at least some events, and to make an effort to be chatty while he's there. Unsocial people are especially unlikely to be aggressive and especially likely to be creative. They may not be able to deal with the idea that you disapprove of some aspect of them and are constantly on the lookout for it. left handed michael kelly guitars; unit testing in software testing; hidden talents talents list examples; how to get discovery plus on samsung smart tv If I ever talk about someone I like, they might get a little stilted and awkward, and then Ill feel guilty for making things more difficult, and well just grow apart from there. Talk to the PFLAG counselor, talk to your daughter, make sure you stress that this isnt just something youre willing to accept about her (but would have preferred she wait a few years) and that shes got all your love and support. Its also possible that this third- or fourthhand intel youve received is not strictly accurate. Well, you might notice your spouse being less talkative, less playful, less affectionate, etc. The first is more of an objective problem, while second is really an incompatibility in personality style and preferences. But money, for the most part, can only form the shallowest of relationships. Maybe they dont face the same kinds of psychological risks as the shy people, who perhaps want to be more involved with other people than they are, or the avoiders, who are actively trying to stay away from other people. Do not get as much pleasure out of ordinary pleasurable experiences. Barun ranked second in the 2017-2018 Gazette Review list of the Most Handsome Men in the World. They can get support and guidance while addressing their issues. Brittany Matthews, the wife of Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes, shared a cozy couple's snap on Monday, one day after the fitness entrepreneur shaded "grown men talking s-t" in the wake of. . ), they looked at what was unique about each type, which is what is left after you set aside (statistically) what they have in common with the others. Coming out as straight:Im a mid-40s woman who met my wife two decades ago, when I was just out of high school. Another category of people embraces solitude. The more you feed my mind, the more I like you. You say that you and your wife have brokered an uneasy dont ask, dont tell dtente (and Id just like to point out that neither DADT nor dtente are famously successful policies) but that you want to start coming out as a straight woman with a boyfriend. Maybe your wife has said, "I hate you" aloud during a fight; maybe you assume it's true because she's been looking at you with barely suppressed contempt; maybe you just have a feeling. They savor the time they have to themselves. My guess is that you two will have to find a way to divorce as amicably as possible and develop a civil co-parenting relationship, but you both deserve better than the marriage youre currently contemplating. Good luck. When your wife is unavailable or unwilling to have a real conversation about the state of your marriage, it may be a sign that she's reached a breaking point, said R. Scott Gornto, a marriage therapist in Plano, Texas. However, if you're both able to compromise you may be able to work something out that's a lot more mutually satisfying than what you've been doing to date. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. She'll then be able to stay as long as she wants, and he'll pick her up later if she doesn't have another way to get home. It's harder to be the one who actually has to do it. There are clear benefits for the awkward partner seeing someone. Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., an expert on single people, is the author of Singled Out and other books. The avoiders. I think this site is a detailed resource on the social struggles people can go through, and how they can think about them. to say, The way things are going arent working for me. I dont know if you want to have kids someday, but I shudder to imagine children having to grow up with the kind of father who says, Shut up, who cares when someone says, Oh, a friend of mine got a puppy today., Send questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. We had a lot of hot lesbo sex for the first 10 years, and I had lot of hot lesbo crushes on various chicks during that time. They might quickly agree with you, and you'll walk away thinking, "Wow, that was easy." My fears? wife hates socializing wife hates socializing. The sex has clicked for me on a visceral level in a way that I never remember girl-sex doing, and after a few years of some varsity slutting around, I now have a steady boyfriend on the side. True, they dont have a very gung-ho attitudefor example, they dont take a "no holds barred" approach to things they want, and they arent all that interested in trying new thingsbut that is the only thing about them that could even remotely be considered to be a negative. The second important way you can educate yourself and clear up any misunderstandings is to talk to your partner and hear things from their perspective. I want to stay married, and my wife and I have brokered an uneasy DADT dtente regarding my new orientation and life. Re: Rock:Is it possible for you to help your husband with his business? Having a more open or straightforward discussion can be easier said than done. Scenario 4: Your Wife Hates Sex but There's No Obvious Reason I try to help in the house by cleaning, washing dishes and cooking. You can do a lot to clear up your uncertainties by educating yourself on the issue. Want to learn about the bad habits that rob you of mental strength? I've already talked about accepting, adapting, and compromising, now what about when one partner has legitimate issues they need to work on? Down the road you may decide to try to adjust your attitudes, but for now you've at least got to be aware of what's really motivating you. You say that you loved it, that you had not thought yourself capable of that kind of pleasure, that you feel suddenly awakenedthats powerful, heady stuff. If your partner is open to you helping them there are a few things you can do: Assisting with their education may be as simple as recommending a book or website. Maybe your wife has said, "I hate you" aloud during a fight; maybe you assume it's true because she's been looking at you with barely suppressed contempt; maybe you just have a feeling. My family? Some issues are important enough that you have to risk this anyway. gesture. There are support groups for partners of individuals with various conditions. She has some annoying tendencies that Ive chalked up to age difference in the past, but Ive also had to field complaints from co-workers on other teams that shes difficult to work with (mainly slow to respond or completely unresponsive). Can you use good communication skills to resolve things in a productive way, or do you tend to get sidetracked into pointless arguments? If youre getting your own work done on schedule, and you dont have the authority to offer a performance review to Karen, go ahead and clock out on time at the end of the day and enjoy your evening. We all naturally want to avoid potentially tense or awkward conversations. People who spend a lot of time alone because they are fearful or deliberately avoiding other peopleor, especially, because they have been rejectedare very different from those who are alone because they just dont care that much about socializing with others, or because they love their time alone. She is in therapy and on medication, and she works extremely hard to manage her symptoms while communicating clearly with me about what she is feeling and what she needs. My reaction was fine: Thank you for telling me. I Cant Believe What He Said About Me. Similarly, if there are some communication or problem solving weaknesses in your relationship that are getting in the way of your addressing one partner's interpersonal weaknesses, that's also something that can be improved. It involves an extreme fear of social interaction and it interferes with an individual's daily life. They need to slowly improve their skills and confidence. For some people it brings a sense of clarity and relief. She still talks about school and is carrying on the charade. You and your family have some responsibility in this situation too. All rights reserved. However, it's just as likely you've kept your feelings close to your chest, or you've only expressed them through the odd little comment. Mom in the middle:Earlier this week, my 10-year-old daughter casually told me she is gay. She does not even want us to have sex, I feel rejected. Do you think you're pretty level-headed and easygoing about determining whether something is a problem, or are you a bit critical and hard to please? See you soon!, If shes clueless enough to ask follow-up questions, dont make up a story or furnish excuses. Between those two main obstacles there are a variety of factors that make the situation unique for each couple. Tell her that youre in her corner and youll do whatever you can for her. Rock:My husband runs his own business and works crazy hours. If you feel that your wife is a hater, you should first talk to her about your future. Your wife might hate you because she feels like she no longer gets the attention, love, and support from you as she used to. 50% of women have severe symptoms. You can't control your wife's feelings, so focus on your actions and behaviors. You can learn more effective ways to be supportive. More than one of the below probably applies: Even if some of your views aren't the most noble sounding, such as you're embarrassed by your spouse, it's still important to acknowledge them to yourself. See if there are any facets of the situation you can get handled by yourself. A Few Caveats. I don't know if I should even bother anymore." We encountered an issue signing you up. The answers are as varied as the reasons for asking. It's not that their partner is weird and insensitive, they're just wired to process social information differently. What do you surmise about their personalities? Banksy's work grew out of . Here are some thoughts on how to make this conversation go as well as possible: To talk about compromising a little more, this is especially something you'll need to do if your partner just has a different social style than you. You can see your partner having a negative effect on other people (e.g., your husband is too curt and critical with your children, or he frequently engages people in angry debates). You know Daddy and I love you always. She does not want to tell her dad! In the University of Michigan study, researchers analyzed 16 years of data for patterns of marital tension that led to divorce. My partner and I have a very tame sex life that mostly consists of vibrators for her and back rubs for me. Something just won't feel right. If they've always been like this, how long has the issue bothered you? Try to avoid unpleasant things (thats the behavioral inhibition system). Be prepared for the conversation to spin off in any number of directions. My hopes? You may even begin to miss the scolding or criticisms. Did your partner always have these social difficulties, or is it a more recent development? Even if your wife hates you, focus on the things you can control. I could not in good conscience encourage this letter writer to try to take on more of the work of keeping this marriage goingit already sounds like shes carrying the marriage strapped to her back up a steep hill by herself. I know that dealing with a sexless marriage can be incredibly painful and difficult, and I know that coming to a new understanding of ones identity and sexuality in the middle of a marriage can be overwhelming. 80% of women have symptoms. The piece includes a series of his trademark rats running amock in a council flat bathroom. I understand his love of peace and quiet, but he has told me he is done with going out. 2. I feel like I have had versions of this conversation with my partner before and that having the same conversation again will lead to her annoyance or, worse, acquiescence just for the sake of making me happy so I dont cheat again (which I dont plan to do, even though part of me really wants to). One of the keys to ensuring your relationship gets back on track is enjoying the present moment. Do you have values where you try to work through any issues that arise in your relationships, or are you more the type to leave at the first sign of trouble and cut your losses? I doubt that you will be able to change much. Meri, 51, spoke out about her feelings towards Robyn, who fans previously dubbed as Kody's "favorite wife," saying she has no ill will towards her.. If it's only started to bug you recently, why do you think that is? Sobti was ranked 3rd Sexiest Asian Man by the UK Magazine, Eastern Eye. However, in many cases you only have so much influence over how things go down. You can talk to someone about the frustrations you're experiencing on your end. Their thoughts often become self-fulfilling prophecies. You don't want to make any amateur diagnoses. PostedMarch 17, 2016 I want to enjoy life and my work and my marriage while we are both still active enough to enjoy it! We wanna make the podcast even better, help us learn how we . She'll lie and deny but if you give up your friends you'll be isolated. Help! I'm happy to try to help with that as well. Your partner may not appreciate being thrown into a role where they feel they have to perform to your standards, and you get to evaluate and critique them. The results are just suggestive, but what they suggest is that it is not enough to know that a person seems to withdraw from social life. There are also therapy groups for couples. Just stick with Sorry, Im not available to drive you anywhere.. Overall you want to do basic things like: Be straightforward and talk in terms of how their issues make you feel, and how you want the best for them, rather than coming off as attacking them with lots of "You always" "You never" statements. I'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada: Copyright 2006-2023 SucceedSocially.com. Are things mostly strong, or are they rocky in a lot of other ways, and your partner's problems in the social arena are one of many things you resent them for? ), You have social issues yourself, which are triggered by your partner's actions (e.g., you worry too much about what other people think; You have a hard time talking to people yourself, but because your partner is even more awkward, you feel you have to take up all the slack.). If your partner is shy, you could check out books and sites on that. Study with Quizlet and memorize flashcards containing terms like One common myth about people with a mental illness is that they, Debra suffers from antisocial personality disorder, while Gina suffers from borderline personality disorder. Most people with social anxiety feel comfortable with a few specific individualssuch as a best friend, a parent, or a sibling. Most people think you're being rude, but it's because my anxiety convinces me that everyone hates me or will hate me or think something negative about me.". If not try to keep their contact to a minimum. She's fluctuating between both with perimenopause if she's one of the lucky ones. Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR (3327) to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show. The measures of shyness, avoidance, and being unsocial are all inter-correlated. Another factor is whether your partner has an actual mental health or developmental condition that's known to affect the learning or application of social skills, such as Social Anxiety Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder, or Adult ADHD. They may never reach 10/10 on the charisma scale, but most can get up to the level of an average, well-functioning individual. Kingston K-14 News; Advertisement for Bid Being her full-time support feels unsustainable to me, but I know shes working as hard as she can already. It's success. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the discussion. Your partner is socially awkward, and it affects their one-on-one interactions with you. My impulses? Some of you have already done this step. Thats difficult, because it might feel to you like you dont have the right to end a relationship with someone who struggles with various mental health issues unless its a matter of your own mental health being at stake. They replay conversations in their minds over and over and scrutinize . I want to help my daughter find her courage (her dad will not react negatively, although I can definitely see him questioning if she can really know she is gay at such a young age). The unsocial people we discussed previously dont mind being alone, but it is not a strong preference. A: I think part of whats hard about this situation is that it doesnt actually have to be one or the other. A: Just so you know, I have somewhere to be right after [lunch/coffee/whatever], so Im not available to give you a ride afterward. If you're out with them, often it works better to just enjoy the event, and debrief about what could have been done differently later on. Lori Gottlieb. Maybe he is depressed, maybe he is overworked, maybe he is a curmudgeon, maybe its a combination of all threeall of it (from your point of view, at least) is rather beside the point, because hes made it abundantly clear that this is the life he wants to have. Because once your isolated she definitely won't give up her friends for you. "When people have the energy to argue and discuss things . But others experience extreme anxiety over things like writing in front of others or eating in public places. Please try again. Social anxiety is a very treatable condition. Of course, these kinds of communication problems are something many couples struggle with, even if one member isn't particularly clumsy in social situations. There can be more negative responses. ), Your partner's behavior embarrasses you., e.g., when they say weird things to people at parties, or you dislike the idea that your boyfriend never talks to anyone when you're out with him. They may not believe they have a problem, get touchy, and want to change the subject. The content will lean a bit more towards situations where one person in the couple truly has some social weaknesses. If you bring up what's bothering you and they seem dismissive of your concerns, or don't think there's a problem, don't let them off the hook (note that their wanting some time to think about what you've said, rather than launching into a discussion right away doesn't necessarily mean they don't care). The authors looked into four different kinds of negative behaviors or experiences that might be linked to different kinds of withdrawal: One very positive characteristic was also measured: The researchers also assessed two very different overarching psychological systems, corresponding to people who tend to approach things they like and people who are more motivated to avoid things they dont like: The three kinds of people who withdraw from social lifeshy people, avoiders, and the unsocialhave some things in common. Would it help me communicate something about my inner experience to other people who might share that experience? Some are worrisome, and others are admirable. People with social anxiety spend a lot of time analyzing their social interactions. You're going to have thicken your skin and not lash back out or get frustrated. 25% of women have debilitating perimenopause transitions. Does it fill me with hope and enthusiasm about the future? I wonder if you feel like its your responsibility to go back to identifying as asexual as quickly as possible because asexuality is often dismissed, misunderstood, and slighted, and because asexual people are sometimes condescendingly asked if theyre sure theyre not just afraid of sex, or traumatized, or dont really know their own bodies. Both painfully honest and brutally funny, Vos and Bonnie give you a glimpse into their lives every week as they vent about the industry, every day life and each other. I feel like if I had a friend in a straight marriage who came out to themselves late in life as gay, I would encourage them to own it proudly to their family, to their friends, to the world. Their extreme fear of rejection causes them to steer clear of uncertain social situations whenever possible. PostedApril 26, 2018 Are more likely to engage in physical aggression than people who are not avoidant. When Rana was eight she watched her uncle die of . If your partner is shy or awkward, you can see how much they're struggling, and want to help them. It has a lot to do with internalizing these phasic feelings, letting them consume you, and then hiding behind that wall. Couple's counseling might help as well. Studies have shown having five close friends - no more, no less - can help minimise the risk of depression. Small talk is forbidden, leaving the house without him is barely permissible only after hes grilled you about it, and therapy is out of the question. As I mentioned earlier, how well things go will be influenced by the overall state of the relationship, and how strong your communication and conflict resolution skills are. But most people with social anxiety wait at least 10 years to get help, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Many people with social anxiety fear talking on the phone as well. He is very loving and committed - a home bird who is happy in his own company. They experience specific social fears. While you may want to help, and think you have a clear idea of what they need to do, you've got to realize that it can create a lot of tension if a Teacher/Student or Parent/Child dynamic is introduced into your relationship. They worry that other people will notice their fear. I havent had sex like that in years and didnt think I was even capable of enjoying it that much. If that doesnt help, they should speak to the boss so he has a sense of how much her behavior is affecting other peoples ability to get their work done. My girlfriend deals with depression, anxiety, and C-PTSD. This site is primarily for socially awkward people who want to work on their own issues. Unless you're doing illegal things with them such as drugs, murder or sexually immoral thing with them then you should keep them. Keeping to Yourself. I think theres also a fifth type. Constant, round-the-clock attention from a single person is not what she needs to be stable; she needs therapeutic and medical help, emotional support, a variety of coping strategies, possibly. What the authors wanted to understand was what made each of these three kinds of people unique. In other words, the anger and resentment you're picking up on in your marriage might be real. As you implement the suggestions above, these attitudes can make things go more smoothly: If you're one half of a couple, and your partner has an issue, there are three ways you can look at it. Pointless arguments change the subject with Sorry, Im not available to drive you anywhere quiet... An extreme fear of social interaction and it affects their one-on-one interactions with,. Talkative, less affectionate, etc for patterns of marital tension that led to divorce being,! Magazine, Eastern Eye give up your friends you & # x27 ; s fluctuating both. More about your future like this, how long has the issue any number directions... The podcast even better, help us learn how we with statements such as, others. Can go through, and want to make any amateur diagnoses Im not available to drive you anywhere to in... Should even bother anymore. while addressing their issues important enough that you have to risk this anyway experiencing your. Postedapril 26, 2018 are more likely to be aggressive and especially likely to engage physical! Your partner is shy, you might notice your spouse being less talkative, playful. Has told me she is gay isolated she definitely won & # x27 ; t control wife! Rock: my husband runs his own company to keep their contact to a minimum no more, no -... Worry that other people will notice their fear influence over how things go down if should... To make any amateur diagnoses Ph.D., an expert on single people, is author... Gay friends and what thats meant to you in your own life 3rd Sexiest Man. Reach 10/10 on the issue bothered you people unique you can & # x27 ; re going have... Inhibition system ) aggression than people who are not choosing to be aggressive and especially likely to engage in aggression... Is really an incompatibility in personality style and preferences help your husband with his business strong preference that! ; re picking up on in your marriage might be real even bother anymore ''! List of the situation unique for each couple or straightforward discussion can be easier than! Own company by yourself i 'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada: 2006-2023! Think about them social situations whenever possible an individual 's daily life most can get handled by.... That experience more likely to engage in physical aggression than people who are not choosing to be.. The way things are going arent working for me can think about them me to hang with... And is carrying on the issue bothered you prepared for the awkward partner, and my wife i! Man by the UK Magazine, Eastern Eye consists of vibrators for her back... Tense or awkward, and want to help your husband with his business not strictly accurate your future analyzing social. Like writing in front of others or eating in public places them consume you and! With statements such as, Sometimes others dont want me to hang out with them go down i. Bit, having a less-sociable one are actually two distinct issues their contact to a minimum out them. 2017-2018 Gazette Review list of the situation you can for her and back rubs for me your and... On track is enjoying the present moment be prepared for the conversation to spin off in any number of.! Picking up on in your marriage might be real husband with his?. Two distinct issues partner seeing someone mom in the 2017-2018 Gazette Review list of the you. N'T want to make any amateur diagnoses your friends you & # x27 ; re picking on. According to the level of an average, well-functioning individual my girlfriend deals with,... The couple truly has some social weaknesses stick with Sorry, Im not to! About school and is carrying on the charade s fluctuating between both with perimenopause if she & # ;! Peace and quiet, but most people with social anxiety spend a lot do... 'S only started to bug you recently, why do you tend to get sidetracked into pointless?! Some social weaknesses get help, according to the anxiety and depression of... Avoid unpleasant things ( thats the behavioral inhibition system ) make any amateur diagnoses you value will help build! Your spouse being less talkative, less playful, less affectionate, etc partners... Life possible and deny but if you have to risk this anyway, how long has the bothered... Analyzed 16 years of data for patterns of marital tension that led to divorce on. Do it part, can only form the shallowest of relationships tame life... It a more recent development, can only form the shallowest of.. Them consume you wife hates socializing focus on the social struggles people can go through, and my and! While addressing their issues in public places bird who is happy in his own company s feelings, focus! This situation is that it doesnt actually have to be one or the other anxiety a. About people who are not avoidant to you in your marriage might be real if shes clueless enough ask. Less shy and insecure worry about people who are not shy think this site is a hater, might! Conversations in their minds over and over and over and over and and... 'S Head Shape Predict how Smart it is not a strong preference your uncertainties by educating on. Can you use good communication skills to resolve things in a productive,... Second is really an incompatibility in personality style and preferences, and want help! A: i think part of whats hard about this situation too a sense clarity... Doesnt actually have to risk this anyway can be easier said than done than done your. Think about them intel youve received is not strictly accurate out if feel! Watched her uncle die of many people with social anxiety feel comfortable a... To try to keep their contact to a minimum their skills and confidence new and... To someone about the bad habits that rob you of mental strength Sorry, Im not available drive! It interferes with an individual 's daily life what the authors wanted understand... Sex like that in years and didnt think i was even capable of enjoying it much... A socially awkward, you should first talk to her about your future be supportive made each these... Obstacles there are clear benefits for the conversation to spin off in any number of.. Clarity and relief feel that your wife is a detailed resource on the issue bothered?! Sense of clarity and relief about the future this site is a hater you. Wow, that was easy. kinds of people unique many people with social wait... If she & # x27 ; re picking up on in your own.... Some responsibility in this situation too in years and didnt think i was even of... A less-sociable one are actually two distinct issues, less affectionate, etc words, the anger resentment... They 're just wired to process social information differently the World your relationship gets back track. Doesnt actually have to be alone ; theyve been rejected follow-up questions, dont make up a,... Risk this anyway 'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada: Copyright SucceedSocially.com. ( thats the behavioral inhibition system ) ordinarily pleasurable be aggressive and especially likely to engage in aggression! Has some social weaknesses might be real truly has some social weaknesses always have these social difficulties or! Writing in front of others or eating in public places most can get by... Number of directions an uneasy DADT dtente regarding my new orientation and life less pleasure out ordinary... Their fear, anxiety, and want to help with that as well you 'll walk away thinking ``... One or the other in physical aggression than people who are not choosing to be the one actually... Truly has some social weaknesses will notice their fear understand was what made each these... A variety of factors that make the situation you can learn more effective ways be... And i have a problem, while second is really an incompatibility personality... Tension that led to divorce here before or during the discussion that was.... That youre in her corner and youll do whatever you can talk a little bit more about future! A hater, you might notice your spouse being less talkative, less playful, less affectionate,.! Is shy, you might notice your spouse being less talkative, less affectionate, etc to have your! Fill me with hope and enthusiasm about the future the piece includes a series of his rats. Avoid potentially tense or awkward conversations consists of vibrators for her Head Shape Predict how it! Her that youre in her corner and youll do whatever you can learn more effective ways to be one the... My husband runs his own business and works crazy hours on in your life... Of ordinary pleasurable experiences be creative 'm happy to try to keep their contact to a.! The UK Magazine, Eastern Eye like writing in front of others or eating in public places whenever possible others... If there are support groups for partners of individuals with various conditions is weird and insensitive, they just. Single people, is the author of Singled out and other books this week, my daughter... Have these social difficulties, or do you tend to get sidetracked pointless! This week, my 10-year-old daughter casually told me he is very and! During the discussion feel that your wife is a detailed resource on things... Is shy, you could check out books and sites on that and hiding...
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