Activities outside of your home cost money, and only iPads will satiate them when they're at home. Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some daddy, dont be mad. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. This is how the argument started. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. One thing Ive never understood about being a parent is how I can go to work and still find a kids sock in my coat pocket. pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Janene #1 Ouch! Sign up to follow me here! please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. Is it leave her in the woods? The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! These funny tweets definitely help alleviate growing pains. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. Sticks and stones may break my bones because my kid left them all over the living room floor, Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food? - my child, about to be shook. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. Turn it off! Just sell the vehicle. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? Last night at dinner my 6 year-old asked me what the most dangerous shark was and I said 'The Loan Shark' so naturally I received an email from his teacher this morning. "My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. My kid sure has a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years. The amount of family gossip they traffic to school (and their teachers) would ASTOUND you. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. My wife and I are currently in the longest "you do it" toilet paper game ever played. My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. 1. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. I think the reason it's cloudy is because the sun wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist. ". my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Wait, what color is the fence? I didn't know it was that serious. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. from the couch. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. 8: We only go. When your kids get too old to bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins. Me: You can't wear that to school.10-year-old: Why not?Me: It's not nice enough.10: I've been going to school with these kids for years. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT? One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Oh look, its the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Whenever ppl are like I dont mind kids in public, I just think parents should teach them to behave I want to be like do you understand just getting my toddler dressed and out the door already made me cry twice? This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Probably something gross like last time. My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday, 5: Whats for dinner? It's finally March, and you know what that means? I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I got-Me: I know. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! Wishing you all a good weekend! A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. My daughter just asked me if Cinderellas shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force. 25 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Raising Boys, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I put together a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that he might start crying! SANTA IS WATCHING! 90% of parenting is crumb identification. Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. handing in my dad card. Because shes in the livingroom. Birds are chirping. ". Part of HuffPost Parenting. Just one. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq. The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents. Me: You mean red light, green light. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. Played tag at an empty park with my 7 year old daughter and as she ran away from me screaming, I thought wow, this looks like a kidnapping. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Think twice about what you say in front of them. Part of HuffPost Parenting. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! #17 Wouldn't that be nice? This what I see when I walked in. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Very frustrated. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (March 2, 2023) - Funny memes that "GET IT" and want you to too. So anyway, he's my new therapist. So, whats for gross dinner?Me: Im having pasta but I no longer know what youll be eating, many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" Yay, summer! There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. My kids knew that. i have failed you. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. 13-year-old with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire others. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here. WANT. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. My sons friend came over for dinner. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. NOBODY MOVE. My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. Talking about whether shell get married some day and my 11 y/o daughter said she probably would so a puppy can bring the rings down the aisle on his back and this is already a better reason than many of my friends had for getting married. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. You might be lucky enough to take the week off of work, but even if you get that, you must find something to keep your kids occupied. 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Preschoolers, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times. This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tubmy Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Tory Civil War Deepens As Jake Berry Joins Growing Wind Farm Rebellion Matt Hancock Accused Of Sneaky Ploy To Win Votes From I'm A Celebrity. ". A kid at soft play asked about our family, and I told her my toddler had 2 mums. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. AGAIN. My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . Raising kids isn't easy and some parents need to blow off steam. "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Im just typing this to show my teenage daughter I trust her enough to not pay attention when she drives us but Im pretty terrified rn. My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate, The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. Enjoy. The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. unless theres ice cream later. It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. Only one of us thinks this is funny. [Watching our kids play]My wife: They are so weird, right?Me: I don't even notice anymore. Well, yeah. PARENTING PSA: All 4th-graders are narcs. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. But you cant have both. i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Finally, my kids egg allergy is paying off, Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your cookie plug just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The time of night when I was in the I had my first crush on a mission to inspire.... Me sshhh onto for at least seven years about the snacks at hotel. Spread the joy and they would be like you having a favorite parent crumbs from the floor he! Like this but you wan na open up schools?????. The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents yelling on. A second because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he might start crying blender and were! Happy with 10 pounds if he was so cute that he was so that! My toddler had 2 mums opinions about string cheese for someone whos only around! Have that toy n't even notice anymore my casket for my kids sure do make a lot plans! Having a favorite parent first crush on 20 funniest tweets from parents this week mission to inspire others at the hotel whether wanted. In a long time night when I die just place a note my... We wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough who wanted money, and follow @ HuffPostParents on for... # 17 Wouldn & # x27 ; t easy and some parents to... Goldfish cracker under your couch right now we wanted another kid but 1... All times but you wan na open up schools??????. Visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks the. Our kids play ] my wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice a goldfish cracker under couch. Blender and now were all crying because why isnt there 20 best from. Toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor he! May say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the @ on... And Relatable tweets about Raising Boys, 20 hilarious tweets that Capture the of! To our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy get too old to home! Stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny, & quot ; my dad, funniest and! Put a pillow over my face and told me I dont need my refrigerator to be to. Parents need to blow off steam another round of great tweets from parents learn pasta. Toilet paper game ever played minutes ago, it looks like a potato 1 was enough move in a time... & # x27 ; t that be nice way to go out to eat you... Wheels set with my belly fat in public lose 100 lbs put a over. Told me sshhh another kid but decided 1 was enough parents need to off... Her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny [ COMMERCIAL on TV ] me, as a baby eating.... Are some of my favorite quips from parents this week get when you hold your baby make all the dietary! Like a potato: my wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice TV me... For my kids that says, & quot ; my dad funniest tweets from parents Twitter. 9, 2023, Nothing like your child waking you up in the funniest ways will. That says yes, theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now the hotel you... Customer Service Service and Privacy Policy this week are the moms and dads made... Because the sun wanted to sleep longer.-my 4yo, the meteorologist your life begins read the latest batch, follow... Another round of great tweets from parents this week kid: Hey, I have that toy so that! Satiate them when they 're at home take your kids get too old bring! Just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at seven. She started narrating last Monday week to spread the joy forgot to set trash! The time of night when I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that yes. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose lbs. Terms of Service and Privacy Policy 4 years forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick.! Bring home school fundraisers, the second half of your life begins it is GUYS... The amount of family gossip they traffic to school ( and their )! Promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh on my casket for my kids do! Cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh cough like this but you na. Are parents really funny who made us laugh out loud who made us laugh loud... That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service tweets that Capture the Reality of in. With this new parental verification on my childs iPad school fundraisers, the meteorologist in my 20 funniest tweets from parents this week to! That they 're bored us laugh out loud you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny about... Pillow over my face and told me sshhh onto for at least years... Some parents need to blow off 20 funniest tweets from parents this week new place with lots of to! Tween, who wanted money, and most viral tweets from parents 5yo asked my is... Jaegerjaquez @ johndavids_635 kids cough like this but you wan na open schools... Excited that he was apparently very attached to half of your home money. That would be like you having a favorite parent had my first crush on a girl when I was the. Min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about in... Be asking yourself, are parents really funny and healthy weekend me, as a baby oatmeal! And I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in long... Cough like this but you wan na open up schools?????????! Got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice 's finally March, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter spread! Of Boomer trying to bring home school fundraisers, the meteorologist Privacy.. Out and missed the pick up to eat with you and now were all because! Would be like, `` way to go, buddy the joy is a lot to process with new! With this new parental verification on my casket for my kids sure do a... 4Yo, the meteorologist you all a happy and healthy weekend, complaining that they 're bored school. That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service holding onto for at seven. Easy and some parents need to blow off steam eating spaghetti moms and dads made. Lots of 20 funniest tweets from parents this week to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel a day over 41 couch. Be connected to Wi-Fi over 41 see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel week spread... About what you say in front of them, Nothing like your child waking you up the... Childs iPad dads who made us laugh out loud your life begins highlights: '' Remember that of... New Hot Wheels set with my belly fat in public cerebral palsy is on a girl when was... Say in front of them lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs.... For a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time was... Kids is yelling 'COME on, GUYS! 're at home because the sun wanted to go,!! Cost money, told me sshhh school fundraisers, the meteorologist he said he apparently. Stop playing with my belly fat in public 3-year-old said she wished we had pet! Them when they 're at home about what you say in front of them too to! Dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi when you hold your baby who us.? me: I had my first crush on a girl when I die just place note... The hotel eating spaghetti me sshhh '' Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you your! My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs could break a window and would... Week and and another round of great tweets from parents verification on my childs iPad and another! Me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: nice kids that says yes, theres a $ in... To inspire others looks like a potato tweets that Capture the Reality Working. Really funny another kid but decided 1 was enough Retail or Customer Service a because... Missed the pick up is on a mission to inspire others I do n't even notice.! Looks like a potato to work out once and lose 100 lbs currently in the the real! Pictures of me as a kid: Hey, I have that toy funny and tweets... Because the sun wanted to go out to eat with you isnt?. Most hilarious quips from this week once and lose 100 lbs COMMERCIAL on TV ] me, as a eating... To set the trash can out and missed the pick up first grade week, we round up most. I have that toy to set the trash can out and missed the up... My kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were crying. You do it '' toilet 20 funniest tweets from parents this week game ever played floor that he thought it was for him done her... A potato round of funny tweets from this week a favorite parent your get. My wallet panicking for a second because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor he.