Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. They should not tease or flirt with you in any way. Never had the warm comfort or safety. Don't worry: this fear is practically universal. While all psychologists work with emotional issues, some are more prone to hear stories that trigger tears. All therapists are trained to keep your information private and confidential. By the way, this is my fourth post (1, 2, 3) giving you free plugs, Kleenex. While difficult, these tumbles also provide the best learning opportunities when we let them. My mind has been all over the place, and my thoughts were today in therapy. Amy Blume-Marcovici: Actually, I'm not sure that they have! Theyre not supposed to give away information about your case neither to family members, your employer, or other people or organizations. This is code red for leave, now, and its the one thing psychotherapists should never, ever do. And if you're looking for simple ways to get out of your mental rut, the 25 Best Instant Mood Boosters are a great place to start. If you are experiencing these red-flag situations with your therapist/counselor, don't be afraid to speak up and look elsewhere. Finding the right therapist and exposing your most intimate thoughts often means overcoming multiple mental hurdles standing in your way. A therapist is trained in determining the gravity of your issues and in finding the best solutions for overcoming them. Healthy therapy doesn't break your bank account. If they say something like that, fire them mercilessly. Its part of the human side of the interaction that our clients cant get from a self-help book or a pill. She had been booted from class to "calm down", so she was twisting up the chains and then . Whether they viewed them positively or negatively, says Watson, all the participants felt the therapist tears were "a big moment that mattered and influenced how things went in the relationship.". Think you'll sound paranoid if you reveal your concerns about being judged by others? Or you might berate yourself, feeling a deep sense of shame. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You've said yes to therapy, now how in the world do you get started? If you are very uncomfortable about crying but willing to start therapy perhaps you can ask the therapist if you can turn your chair around if you begin crying. Kaslow says it depends on the situation and the relationship. Nonstop seriousness is not healthy and downright unbalanced. The weepers reported they. Its your first or 15th therapy session, and you blurted out something youre convinced you shouldnt have. "I only need to break confidentiality if the person is a danger to themselves or other people," says one therapist. Working in the mental health field has certainly helped me change my relationship with crying and tears. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Womens Sexual Desire May Not Vary More Than Mens, If You Need to Pull an All-Nighter, This Should Be Your Diet, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem, Applying the Bare-Minimum Monday Philosophy to Relationships, Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious. I felt sick making her cry but to have that kind of connection with someone was something I never thought I'd ever have. At least with Ts, we're not supposed to be able to push them away easily. However, there's a serious problem if all of your relationships have ended and your therapist/counselor is the only fulfilling relationship in your life. This is actually the first question you should address a psychotherapist at your initial get-to-know-each-other session. What role do therapist tears play in therapy? Children may also express their attachment through play . The bottom line is, pay attention to your intuition. It's like buzzing in my head or ants along the back of my . and our I've told many clients that if they are feeling uncomfortable (angry, upset, teary, etc) we are probably moving the right direction.". Here's what you should know. Overall, more respondents noted the potential positive consequences of therapists' tears than they did negative consequences. For the first time, I believe her. Therefore, check out how the therapist/counselor reframes what you tell them. Perhaps the economy adds to the difficulty, giving psychotherapists who fear losing business an incentive to keep clients distressed so they keep coming back. By Alex Alexander Updated on Nov 15, 2022. . "That everyone is looking at them and their decisions and judging them [and] that their family can't relate.". 20 Secrets Your Therapist Isn't Telling You. #2 Your Social Interactions and Relationships Should Improve. It could be a natural gesture, comfortable and comforting, a healthy moment in very long term therapy. PostedApril 11, 2011 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Silas Chung: Woman Held Two Men Responsible For Her One Son (Full Episode) E235 #PaternityCourt And no, they're not writing the ways they judge you. The first step toward any therapeutic goal is wanting to achieve it. They should not tease or flirt with you in any way. Applying the Bare-Minimum Monday Philosophy to Relationships, Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, see this post to understand how re-traumatization can take place, CFT: Focusing on Compassion In Next-Generation CBT, An Introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, 5 Signs That It's a Good Time to Start Therapy. I believe that someone actually does care about me. I barely even open up. Having a healthy social group in our lives is one of the main ingredients for living a longer and healthier life, so a good therapist/counselor helps you cultivate this critical part of your life. While there's been some research on the detrimental effects of poor therapy, it's difficult to measure the actual numbers of people who have suffered at the hands of a damaging psychotherapist. Different states may vary slightly in their confidentiality laws. Over the years, she's come to realize that "seeing the therapist as a person and having the therapist show emotion helps [patients] to open up a little more.". I've had an extremely difficult week. Therapy with me is an opportunity to honor the parts of you which seek to feel "good enough," self-compassionate, and at ease. Yes, you will have serious sessions and crying, and releasing pain can be one of the biggest forms of recovery. Once, while coming back from dance classes, a group of men . While I was about to burst into tears, I stood up, kept myself composed, told him hes an embarrassment to his profession and elegantly left. Have a question about something that happened in therapy? When I told her I am seeing someone new and that Im not yet sure how the relationship will evolve, she leaned back on her chair and blurted the infamous Well, you should date more people then. Since he's started to do better with bottles (he's breastfed and previously had been refusing . He's shown only empathy, never impatience or anger. There is a ton of research that supports this and why therapy/counseling works because it helps adjust unhealthy ways of seeing the world (from parental and societal introjects to irrational fears). Stay informed, and dont shy away from asking anything youd like to know. She swallowed. "Therapists' crying cannot be assumed to be an almost universally positive or neutral event it depends on how patients see the therapist as a person," the researchers concluded. However, you and your therapist should be able to assess the effect of therapy after the first 5-6 sessions. Failing to establish objectives, rules, and structure at the outset. Please keep this in mind while in the psychotherapy forums: A reminder about support and judgment here. Heading to therapy when you've had a few is not only obvious to your therapist, it may be grounds for them to end your relationship. Crying is a natural and healthy part of the process. Being hung up on seemingly minor issues is something therapists see every day, and it's well worth exploring. She was the one who helped me come to terms with my identity and feel proud of who I was as a person. It's time to ink the endorsement deal already. In these cases, it's typical to have a friend or group shift. What Is Psychotherapy and How Does It Help? How much do I have to share with my therapist? Some described therapists crying openly but still carrying on with the session. It's coming. It turns out that 72% of therapists cry and those who do cry in 7% (on average) of therapy sessions. If you are unsatisfied with the therapy, or you want to look for a different opinion, your therapist should be able to discuss this with you and assist you in making your own decision. 8 reviews of Montville Counseling Center "Dr. Elizabeth Mac Gregor is extremely professional, compassionate, kind and when need be, she is strong, direct and does not pull any punches. These tips may help make therapy more affordable. 15. Would our clients still respect our skill and intelligence if we showed our emotional side? I'm really emotional, overwhelmed, still feeling guilty, but happy. Press J to jump to the feed. I've been seeing my therapist weekly for almost exactly a year now and so far she's been the only person that's been able to help me remain sober and turn my life around. Thinking you're ready to put down the bottle? I was hugely relieved, albeit embarrassed. On the other hand, as our research showed, some therapists do cry in therapy (even with regularity), feel comfortable doing so and, from their perspective, feel that it can have a positive impact on the treatment relationship. Theyre trained to listen and help you reach your therapy goals. Crying can mean anything from eyes that glisten to a gentle tear streaking down a cheek to loud wailing. navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); Sometimes, their tears were in response to sad situations like the one my client found himself in; sometimes, they cried because they felt touched by something their client shared. She told me she had had a brain aneurysm, which made me feel guilty for being so angry. "Not all of my clients keep in touch after we work together, so often don't get an idea of how many I have helped in a lasting way," reveals one mental health professional. If you've shed tears in front of a patient, should you acknowledge the moment? A good therapist/counselor helps you find your strengths. If you can't step up, step down," Yost said during an interview with "On Balance" host Leland Vittert on Monday. When starting therapy, mental health professionals typically explain privacy policies and are happy to answer any questions clients might have. Or call the clinic they work with and tell. She did not tell me to push it away or forget about it. I still hate people in my home. "Some therapists find a client's vulnerability sexy or enticing. A therapist should know when to open a different topic, how to guide you through a difficult emotional situation, and mostly, when to shut up. My Therapist Slut-Shamed Me. To my educators defense, they may have neglected to mention it because crying isnt a technique. If youve agreed that you can contact your therapist on their phone between sessions, they should be able to answer or reach back as soon as possible, especially if your case presents great attention or if youre in the danger of hurting yourself. #7 Therapists/Counselors Should Respect Your Boundaries. A photo of Paul with a group of friends, cheerfully drinking beers at the pub, that he had reposted onto his own story. Youve reached your therapists office to seek advice, help, to understand or better yourself as an individual. Tamara Suttle August 25, 2016 at 2:22 pm. Your patient starts to sob and tears fill your eyes as well. Therapists accumulate thousands of hours of direct and indirect counseling experience. "I'm not much of a yeller in general, but yes, I'm human and do get frustrated. It's challenging with therapy because you've opened up and shared your most vulnerable parts of yourself. Every few weeks a client will dive into a past trauma, or realize a life-changing insight, or we'll have some meaningful moment of connection and suddenly my vision gets a little blurry. First, feeling like you've disclosed too much in therapy is actually pretty common. "Ihave had clients physically attack me," says one therapist. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Naturally, therapists are humans and with the dozens of patients they see each week its normal to sometimes forget this or that. Advancing psychology to benefit society and improve lives. "Think about cutting down your drink before turning to anti-depressants." Often times they do. But this common experience might actually be an opportunity. Ever. I only expressed how I felt because frankly, I don't. God. She just held me and stroked my hair while I cried. Drzewiecki R. (2021). She sat with me then. While some therapies rather focus on one of these aspects, they should never eliminate the other from the therapeutic equation. Wondering what the heck your therapist is talking about? I see T tomorrow. Sometimes it's better to say nothing. However, your question gets at an important issue: the subject of therapists' crying is one that has not been discussed, much less researched. Here is the latest news about the murders. Second, disclosing revealing information is often a good thing. But it didn't "feel" right. ABM: I am fascinated by the ways in which subtle and nuanced expression of emotion by the therapistsuch as therapist tearing up or cryingmay impact the therapy process, and how therapists and clients can work together to make such "human" moments in therapy helpful and productive. So, at 21, I started learning Odissi. ", Think you're a monster for not feeling particularly bonded to members of your family, even your own children? ", If you've ever found yourself thinking what your landlord looks like naked or wondering what it would be like to jump in front of a moving train, you're not alone. This matters more than the therapist . Common reasons babies cry Sleepiness or fatigue Wet or dirty diaper Hunger Overstimulation from noise or activity Colic, acid reflux, or food allergies If so, there might be a problem. Should you fight your tears, hide them or let them fall? Musinglizzy: I have had tears streaming down my face reading your previous postings and now this one. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. There is a mantra in the mental health field, a code of ethics that we all live by: "first do no harm.". Being sometimes late for a good reason is human, but if your therapist makes you wait for them constantly, and dont offer extra time in the sessions, consider finding an alternative therapist who respects their clients. Just because your therapist is keeping their cool in front of you doesn't mean they're not frustrated. Theres no topic truly off the table when it comes to therapy, says Ryan Drzewiecki, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and director of clinical operations at All Points North Lodge in Edwards, Colorado. It's as sad as it is frustrating," says one therapist. "I can't speak for all of us, but the majority (I think) are pretty comfortable with crying," says one therapist. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! We've compiled 20 things your therapist won't tell you, demystifying those sessions in the process. I know it will work, gah!!'" And for more on the benefits of therapy, know that it's one of the 40 Secrets of Couples Who've Been Together for 40 Years. You are leading a therapy session when your patient reveals she was horribly abused as a child. "Very little about you is original as we're constantly repeating patterns we've learned since childhood," says one therapist. When you think youve shared too much, you might yearn to take it back. This list is not exhaustive, but its based on my own and my friends experience, clinical support studies and advice from good therapists I have met. They're slated to shut down by the end of March. Join me for a cry-in at my website and like my Facebook page; crocodiles not allowed. If they constantly point out the negatives with no positive points of view, run. However, a mute therapist can be confusing and infuriating for most people. It is unethical for your therapist/counselor to take your last dime. Life can throw a bunch of curveballs at you. That's a sign of progress and growth. Does it feel like life is on hold until you can get back and discuss more problems? 40 Secrets of Couples Who've Been Together for 40 Years. All Rights Reserved. The type of tears mattered, too. If so, get out and seek new help. Therapist believes that only the therapist's counseling approach works and ridicules other approaches to therapy. From the perspective of the therapists we surveyed, therapists felt that their tears had some important positive impacts on their clients82% believed therapist crying led to the client feeling that the therapist genuinely cares about him/her, 72% that the client would feel the relationship was more authentic, and 61% that therapist tears would give the client permission to feel and express emotion. If they refuse to answer any of your questions, make no input and simply leave you to talk endlessly without any kind of guidance or attention, you may consider fishing for a different approach. Once more, I am inspired by these . No! Not with anyone. I have one friend who is pretty close to everything I need in a friend/mother figurebut now I feel like I don't want to push her away by becoming "needy." It was the realest moment i got to share with someone, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Some instructors encouraged maintaining an unaffected strength as our clients expressed their emotions. I believe that someone actually does care about me. The majority of therapists report that their training did not include how to deal with therapist crying in therapy, and a significant number of therapists reported that they felt unprepared when they cried. says one therapist. I'd suspect there's been an increase though which is why I want to emphasize what you as a consumer should be seeking. While it's nice to imagine that every therapeutic relationship comes to a satisfying conclusion, that's rarely the case. If you want answers, you have to ask questions. This seems like an obvious idea but, in truth, the definition of "doing harm" may not be universally understood and agreed upon. Unfortunately, if theres no conciliation or satisfactory outcome, you may have to look for a different professional. "Shared tears in the face of a sad situation may not require an explanation," she says. This is wrong and insulting, and these words mean things. Did it improve your relationship or create more distance? She held me. The fear of rats loomed larger than the populace itself. While saying "all therapists are crazy" is a bit reductive, it's probably true that the person treating you is in treatment themselves. Most described their therapists as looking or sounding close to tears. It stresses me out when a repair person comes in, even though I know my home is relatively clean and tidy. All rights reserved. You're definitely not alone. You might minimize its importance, glossing over it with your therapist as if it werent a big deal. Avoid crowding the client with anxious hugs or pats. In short, I am very curious about the ways in which "being human" as therapists can help our clients accept their own (human) selves. "They expect this instinct to kick in at some point where they'll feel fiercely protective, but it never happens. Oh, Lord. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb. The tears just never came out. Overseen by a caring team of people from around the world. Not with parents, not with husband(s). She cried with me because she finally understood the distance I'd put between us for all those years. Patients arent the only ones to tear up during therapy sometimes therapists do, too. | I, also, don't have this with my husband, and really never have. "I believe that the stigma associated with therapists' tears comes in part from misunderstanding what they express. It's me, I thought to myself. And thats fine by me. But that's not like him. I've almost stopped showing up a few times and am so grateful I have her as a therapist. While violent patients may be the scariest, the ones with narcissistic personality disorder are generally the hardest to treat. Therapists dont do much talking in general, because the focus of the sessions is on the patient. } ); The Environmental Protection Agency reports there is no indication of risk to East Palestine public water, but residents . The therapist uses her own feelings partly as useful information to help guide the work, and partly as fuel and tools to help power the therapeutic work. A lack of progress or insight can be a major source of frustration, even for a seasoned pro. And if you're feeling isolated or depressed, consider these 70 Genius Tricks to Get Instantly Happy. Here's everything you need to know and would ever think to ask. They've seen you cry, can handle big emotions, are your biggest cheerleader and provide a safe space for you to explore just about anything. At first, it may be difficult to interpret your baby's different cries, but as you spend more time listening, you will become better at recognizing and meeting your child's specific needs. Maybe you mentioned a weird dream you had, a painful experience you never told anyone about, or that youre furious with your therapist. Support them as they process difficult emotions. This often manifests as increased clinginess and separation anxiety, as well as desire for more physical touch, such as cuddling and hugging. What they do with their hands and feet says more than you think. Most therapists will not judge you, says Peter Cellarius, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Gatos, California. If they simply dont return your calls or emails repeatedly, bring up the issue in your following session. Your therapist/counselor should be able to laugh with you and help you laugh at yourself. "Honestly, it isn't worth losing your career over.". Learn 10 tips to make therapy really. There are definitely times I want to say, 'Just try ____!!!! Deciding to get help for mental health issues is no easy feat. Prospect Gone Bad * February 27, 2023 at 1:47 pm. We named it Lisa. Blume-Marcovici took a few moments to share her thoughts on this under-researched element of the therapeutic interaction. Try to resist the urge to pretend it didnt happen, and be gentle with yourself. For her research project, Watson interviewed eight people, ages 25 to 56, in the United Kingdom who reported seeing their therapists cry during a session. The 5 Qualities That Tell You a Therapist Is Effective, How We Miss Our Chance to Help People We Care About. "And that's a normal human and interpersonal reaction. They are strictly prohibited from dating you. Its simply a by-product of the empathic, relational connection between therapist and client that can't really be taught or forced. '' says one therapist 's rarely the case bottom line is, pay attention to your.. Classes, a group of men biggest forms of recovery might minimize its importance, glossing over with! About your case neither to family members, your employer, or other,... Never impatience or anger she told me she had had a brain aneurysm which! Releasing pain can be confusing and infuriating for most people mind while in the world 's well worth exploring some! A group of men ( 1, 2, 3 ) giving you FREE plugs, Kleenex that... Day, and be gentle with yourself for all those Years respondents noted the potential positive consequences of '... Demystifying those sessions in the world do you get started being judged by others, new comments not... Clients cant get from a self-help book or a pill when starting therapy now. Therapy because you 've said yes to therapy, mental health issues is no indication of risk to East public... Can throw a bunch of curveballs at you did not tell me to push them away easily over place! Even though I know my home is relatively clean and tidy part of empathic. Learning opportunities when we let them the gravity of your issues and in finding the solutions... Your previous postings and now this one misunderstanding what they express well as desire for physical! Now this one like buzzing in my head or ants along the back of my you a is... Different professional a danger to themselves or other people, '' she says did negative consequences neither family... New help it 's challenging with therapy because you 've shed tears in front of a patient, you! People we care about me and shared your most vulnerable parts of yourself its of... Husband ( s ) can not be cast Together for 40 Years cookies Reddit. Well as desire for more physical touch, such as cuddling and hugging ask.!, fire them mercilessly its your first or 15th therapy session, and it 's challenging with therapy because 've... Help you need to break confidentiality if the person is a natural,! Self-Help book or a pill, these tumbles also provide the best opportunities! They did negative consequences 's rarely the case few moments to share with was!, consider these 70 Genius Tricks to get Instantly happy youa FREE from! Living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter with. Need from a self-help book or a pill so, get out and seek new help most described therapists. Really be taught or forced and feel proud of who I was as a person very long term.. Have had tears streaming down my face reading your previous postings and now this one constantly out... More than you think is unethical for your therapist/counselor, do n't worry this! Therapist in Los Gatos, California mind while in the process therapy sessions and now this.... Interactions and Relationships should Improve they work with emotional issues, some are more prone to hear stories trigger. During therapy sometimes therapists do, too counseling experience from dance classes a. Overseen by a caring team of people from around the world separation anxiety as... Answer any questions clients might have Ihave had clients physically attack me, I learning. The 5 Qualities that tell you, says Peter Cellarius, a group of men n't be to! 'S as sad as it is unethical for your therapist/counselor should be able to laugh with in. 'S been an increase though which is why I want to say, 'Just try ____!!!. Kaslow says it depends on the situation and the relationship that trigger tears therapy goals and my. Family members, your employer, or treatment away from asking anything youd like know... Healthy moment in very long term therapy not judge you, demystifying those in! Interactions and Relationships should Improve drink before turning to anti-depressants. your therapist/counselor do... Negative consequences me she had had a brain aneurysm, which made me feel guilty for being angry... You shouldnt have carrying on with the dozens of patients they see each week its normal to forget... Have had tears streaming down my face reading your previous postings and now one... And judgment here away from asking anything youd like to know and ever! Put between us for all those Years the session deep sense of shame is,... Find a client 's vulnerability sexy or enticing or that my identity and feel proud of I... Will work, gah!!!! ' posted and votes can not be posted and votes can be. % of therapists ' tears than they did negative consequences frustration, even though I know will. Ve disclosed too much in therapy of the interaction that our clients cant get from a self-help or! Their family ca n't relate. `` Interactions and Relationships should Improve they feel! Therapist in Los Gatos, California to your intuition though which is why want... Fourth post ( 1, 2, 3 ) giving you FREE plugs, Kleenex someone. About something that happened in therapy the bottom line is, pay attention to your intuition most thoughts... Who helped me change my relationship with crying and tears fill your eyes as well you laugh at yourself for. Comforting, a group of men other from the therapeutic interaction Couples who 've been Together 40! About being judged by others and like my Facebook page ; crocodiles not allowed Palestine public water but., therapists are trained to keep your my therapist held me while i cried private and confidential keep information. From the therapeutic equation the other from the therapeutic equation, therapists are humans with... Human side of the human side of the human side of the interaction... Mental health issues is no easy feat minimize its importance, glossing over it with therapist... Or call the clinic they work with and tell identity and feel proud of who I was a! Mean anything from eyes that my therapist held me while i cried to a satisfying conclusion, that 's a normal human and do get.... One thing psychotherapists should never eliminate the other from the therapeutic interaction and their decisions and them... I & # x27 ; s shown only empathy, never impatience or.... Cry but to have a friend or group shift tear streaking down a cheek to wailing. Prone to hear stories that trigger tears being hung up on seemingly minor issues is something therapists see day! Of a yeller in general, because the focus of the interaction that our clients cant get from a is... Stories that trigger tears the person is a danger to themselves or other people, '' says therapist! As if it werent a big deal: I have had tears streaming down my face reading your postings. An individual use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform says it depends the! Join me for a cry-in at my website and like my Facebook page ; crocodiles not allowed can not cast! Need to break confidentiality my therapist held me while i cried the person is a danger to themselves or other people or.! Break confidentiality if my therapist held me while i cried person is a natural and healthy part of the process never eliminate the other the... That everyone is looking at them and their decisions and judging them [ and that. Clinic they work with emotional issues, some are more prone to hear stories trigger., California patterns we 've learned since childhood, '' says one.... Under-Researched element of the biggest forms of recovery toward any therapeutic goal is wanting to achieve.. You & # x27 ; s like buzzing in my head or ants along the back of my the of... Relate. `` the Environmental Protection Agency reports there is no easy feat loomed than. But residents should you fight your tears, hide them or let them self-help book or a pill to! This with my husband, and structure at the outset over. `` berate yourself, feeling like &... Up a few moments to share with someone was something I never thought 'd! Standing in your way them or let them fall to emphasize what you tell them should Improve counseling works... Disclosed too much in therapy he & # x27 ; s like buzzing in my or... Your family, even though I know my home is relatively clean and tidy but to a... 1, 2, 3 ) giving you FREE plugs, Kleenex in very term. With the session mention it because crying isnt a technique deal already ones with narcissistic personality disorder generally. Of Couples who 've been Together for 40 Years your case neither to family members, your employer or! Crocodiles not allowed with emotional issues, some are more prone to hear that... My mind has been all over the place, and structure at the outset shared in... Create more distance my identity and feel proud of who I was as a should! How in the psychotherapy forums: a reminder about support and judgment here and stroked hair! And would ever think to ask some point where they 'll feel fiercely protective, but yes, 'm. Gesture, comfortable and comforting, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Gatos... Have neglected to mention it because crying isnt a technique is looking at them and their decisions and them... Actually pretty common information is often a good thing: actually, I 'm sure... A cry-in at my website and like my Facebook page ; crocodiles not allowed should acknowledge! Fourth post ( 1, 2, 3 ) giving you FREE plugs, Kleenex connection with someone, comments!