They draw you in close, then when you least expect it, they abruptly withdraw. There is no way to hide the fact that a narcissist discards people in their life. This is the . Maggie McGee and Narc Wise, 2019. If you are truly struggling to cope with the discard and you feel like you cannot find any comfort or support, it may be a good idea to speak with a professional about what happened. You see, the narcissist is a pathological liar. After devaluing the partner, which can take many forms such as gaslighting, insulting, demeaning, humiliating, smear campaigning, disappearing and cutting off contact, cheating, physical abuse and much more, the narcissist will often simply discard their victim and walk away. Youll no doubt also be triggered every time you think about the injustices dealt at the narcissists hand. The reason we do not leave straight away is love. I spent 15 years, committed and doing what a faithful partner should do. He stoled my fresh start. The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. This means that they will less likely apologize and try to make things right with you again. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? Positivemental healthessentially allows you to effectively deal with lifes everyday challenges. Your emotional and psychological reaction to the silent treatment and ghosting is A grade supply for the narc. Thats the level of mental disorder were dealing with here. If a narcissist isnt trying to manipulate and get something from you, then they will not bother wasting their energy pretending and keeping up with false pretences. And for the empath or codependent, this is unfathomably difficult. Watch up. Its extremely hurtful and immature all of the things narcs love. Very eloquent. What the hell just happened? Also, you may feel like you are going crazy. The lies they tell you about themselves and yourself need consistency to remain believable. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. Its good to know I am not alone. I have two fantastic children, I managed to keep my closest friends, lost the ones that tried to help me. Then, just to make matters worse, their ego wants to destroy those flaws and wounds, so you get lined up in the cross hairs and attacked for wearing the narcs superimposed traumas. Narcissistic discard is when a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you. Leading up to and during the narcissist discard, they will seem angered and bothered by you all the time. So instead, their ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you (projection). A homeless shelter waiting room! Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. He blames my daughter and her boyfriend. I have had two and a half months of no contact, after a really nasty discard between Christmas/New Year 2018 & after 3 decades with the narc in my life and had gone back & forth about 6-7 times, as noted by some others. Even though odds are that they are the ones who should be apologising, the feeling of being deleted from their world is so intense. This leads us to the next narcissist discard sign. During the break-up, he said to me, ever since you started standing up to your mum, you changed. They may leave you suddenly and rationalize it in any of a number of ways. Unfortunately, those are things a narcissist can never do, and wont even attempt to fake during a discard. Guess what, they had our unconditional love and didnt know what to do with our love thats their loss, !!! If they are getting their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they may leave you alone for a while. Again, you did nothing wrong! Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. I need serious help. However long it takes for you to learn your lesson and amp up provision of supply. Because it often happens out of nowhere. The act of ghosting reflects on key traits of a narcissist, particularly low- self-esteem, obsession with perceived power and being in control, and lack of concern for others. The ball is in your court once they contact you. If you begin to build up some strength towards the narcissist over time, that does not bode well for their narrative. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. Thank you police! They can only feel good by putting others down. I also picked up that he was likely using this to paint me in a bad life to his family & my son, look how angry/bitter/difficult she is & he was a saint putting up with it. It hurts knowing she created a whole life with someone else just to leave me, and we literally have a six week old she pushed for. Im excited for you though because this is the beginning of things being different for you, with every question you answer for yourself, you set yourself free bit by bit. Wow! Sick. Narcissists are deeply jealous people, and when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, they'll often go running back to an ex. The negative words they devalued you with can be used to justify why the relationship is no longer viable. Often this is a family pattern: their mother has a sister she has not spoken to in twenty years and their brother and sister hate each other as well. If they continue to talk to you about the narc, beware that they may be a Flying Monkey for the narc. In some cases, they may not have entirely discarded you, and are just playing hot and cold, in which case ignoring them will likely lead them to attempt to "hoover" you back on to the relationship. It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. An Argument With a Narcissist Goes Like This J.C. Anne Brown in Invisible Illness What a Trauma Response at Starbucks Looks Like Som Dutt in Psychology Simplified Psychology Of Narcissism Myla. It is the compass in finding the path to truth. This is usually because either: A. The narcissist ghosting after discard. When theyre ready to discard you, these positive actions are completely absent. After 6 years of the glorifying, belittling and abandonment. This is not about you at all its about the narcissist.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_15',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_16',109,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0_1'); .portrait-1-multi-109{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. Im sorry for what you have experienced gorgeous one. Wordfence is a security plugin installed on over 4 million WordPress sites. Its important to step back, disengage and tread very lightly if youre dealing with a narcissist operating at this level. Remove Yourself 2. wow, because you took the time to figure out how to defeat fear, self doubt, negative thoughts and all those thoughts being set back. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. At Mantra Care, we have a team of therapists who provide affordableonline therapyto assist you with issues such asdepression,anxiety,stress,relationship,OCD,LGBTQ, andPTSD. The only thing you can control, is to remove yourself from it. I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. There is no set timeline for recovering from a narcissistic discard, but know that you will get through it. They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. Take this time to grow personally. This is the true path out of narcissistic abuse. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? Putting in no effort is also a way for the narcissist to reiterate that they are everything and you are nothing, which is a completely false delusion of their own. But the only way to stay gone is absolutely no contact. They tend to return to your life after a long absence to do it repeatedly. Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. Youve ended it. I need them for what they do for me, not because I like them for themselves. Just reading this wisdom has made me feel a lot better about myself and given me hope. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. All of that effort will be directed at love bombing the new supply and extracting energy over there instead. I felt the slow walking phase of the discard( I say breaking up) discarding is as if I were a piece of trash to just through away, NOT stop labeling yourself. So, how do you spot a narcissist discard? Still in the hoovering phase, but no use. Heal hard. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. As you work through your own healing, you become stronger and less triggered. But not before trying to push his way past me again like before. I hope youve found some useful information from this article and are feeling more empowered about stepping into your own true place in this life. I was stupid enough to let him back in after he tried to make contact with me again after 2 weeks. Maggie x. Hi Maggie, do you have a youtube channel? Stay strong in your truth. I have left him 4 times in 5 years! about 3 weeks into my new apt. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. This post will answer seven questions related to being discarded by a narcissist (the-7-answers-i-desperately-needed-after-the-narcissistic-discard) and what to do next. Narcissist Discard Signs Silent Treatment/ Ghosting Once a narcissist is done they will completely pull back from you. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. This handy little magnifying glass shines the light on getting at the truth of most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to creep in. Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_1',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');After being miserable and firing all of their pain towards you, they now suddenly seem happier and have a bounce in their step. When they finally do leave, by moving out or divorcing you, theyll be in a better position to take everything, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt. I mean, lets be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at the best of times. Its horrendous.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2','ezslot_2',123,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2-0'); You were sold a lie and you put your heart and soul on the line, only to have it smashed into a million pieces. She has tormented me for years and this was her final blow. They know that the pain caused from withholding means that you will not only agree to take ownership of their abuse, but you are also willing to do whatever it takes to make things OK again. Im besides myself with all this narcissistic abuse Ive been learning about but have some level of relief knowing this was not my fault, even though I continue to revert to it may just be my fault. Speak up. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. If you do try to get back together, they will likely discard you again and it will only cause more pain and heartache for you in the long run. As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. Game over. 5 ways to counteract the narcissists gaslighting. Ghost them and go NC. My storage is going to auction today and my dog is with him in van. This is a desperate attempt to boost their ego, to regain the feelings they felt earlier in the relationship. This leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. They get more narcissistic supplies for their shaky self-esteem by cutting you off totally, than they ever get in a real relationship. Theyve essentially erased you from their life for now, but they will do everything they can to still garner supply from you in the psychic realm. Ghosting is a strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. In fact, in the narcissists delusional world, they actually believe that they are the victim and you the abuser. Hope to have a youtube channel a lot better about myself and given me hope is difficult! Their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they actually believe that they particularly. 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